I felt a sense of peace being back home in Boulder after my awesome visit to Asheville. My heart felt enriched and satisfied. Waking up in my comfy bed that first day back I felt a renewed sense of purpose and enthusiasm, ready to start this new chapter, this new decade. As I descended the stairs heading down to the main floor of my home I lost my footing and I found myself slipping down the carpeted stairway, as if I were sliding out of the birth canal being birthed into my new life. Thankfully I was not injured except for some minor bruising and aches and pains for a few days. WOW that was a pretty abrupt entry into a day that felt so full of potential just minutes before. I am not prone to falling or accidents in general so it made me wonder why the heck did this happen?
Later that morning I discovered that my car battery was dead! It was a new battery so this was strange to say the least. Just three days later I came down with a pretty intense cold that I got from my son. I wrote this in my journal the first couple of days I was sick, as you can see I was feeling pretty distressed. “I am in an emotional quagmire of anger, grief, anxiety, fear, agitation, self judgement and yet still there is gratitude. Is all of this the result of what I asked for during my two healing ceremonies in Asheville? My body aches, my heart aches…I can’t think straight. What is this all about? Why do I feel that I will burst if I don’t do or say something??? Is this what transformation looks like? I know from past experiences that during this cleansing process it can sometimes look pretty messy before you reach the other side. With all the changes I have gone through you would think I would be used to this, you would think that I would trust that this is all just part of my healing process”. Needless to say this was not the auspicious beginning I was intending…Or was it?
All these events serving to slow me down pointed to the fact that I needed some quiet time for rest and recalibration after all that was stirred up during my trip. As with all opportunities for growth I have learned that patience is key as these changes become fully integrated and embodied. So in the mean time I am taking it slowly and doing what I can to support myself each day.
Time to rewind and share some highlights of my trip. My beloved friend Gwen was, both literally and figuratively, in the driver’s seat for this road trip. She picked me up at the Nashville airport and off we went. Each day felt specially ordered, packed with things, places, activities and friends that filled me with joy and fed my soul. Some of the highlights include: dining at some of my favorite restaurants in Asheville and Black Mountain, buying some new gorgeous rocks and rings at my favorite rock shop, hiking in the Appalachians, visiting with dear friends, a heavenly massage at the Salt Spa in a Himalayan salt lined room with one of my all-time favorite massage therapists Michael.
To top it all off, the crown jewels of my trip were the two divinely appointed ceremonies each taking place by glorious waterfalls. The intentions of both were to release those things that no longer serve me, inviting and embracing all things that will assist me as I move forward through this new stage of my life. I was accompanied by Gwen who initiated one ceremony which was primarily focused on letting go and forgiving all that transpired with Claude’s suicide. The second one took place at a remote waterfall led by Marianne. The intention was to honor the potentiality of this transition that both Gwen and I are embarking on as we both turn 60 this year. What a remarkable gift to share this sacred time with these two extraordinary medicine women who I love deeply and who have been an integral part of my healing and growth while traversing my path through grief.
I am so grateful that I followed my inclination to face my fears and embrace my heart’s desire. As it turns out, being in Asheville was not as scary or painful as I imagined it might be. It was a joy and a wonderful treat! It did hold some sadness, but those feelings were completely overshadowed by the delight of being there and present experiences that we were engaged in.
A significant piece of the puzzle revealed itself to me on one of our last days in Asheville. I realized that during the 6 years we owned our vacation rental home, spending time in Asheville held an all-together different meaning for me. I absolutely needed it during that time to find peace, refuge, and to remember who I am. It served as my escape from a place where I had been living that felt constricting and was not in alignment with who I am. Now my life is exceedingly different. I live in a place that I love, where I feel safe to be who I am, where I am surround by magnificent natural beauty right outside my door. I recognize that I no longer have a need to escape this life I am living. Despite my grief and all that I have been through I am grateful and I am free!
Thanks for tuning in for part two. Are there any pieces of the puzzle you are still searching for as you move forward on your journey through grief?
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~~~Both Gwen and Marianne are amazing! If you are interested in seeing what they offer check out thier websites. http://www.sourcesong.com/ http://appalachianpriestess.com/