This will be my 5th Valentine’s Day since Claude’s suicide. Claude was not big on what he called “forced” holidays. He would rather spontaneously bring me flowers or something else to show that he loved me “just because.” Since he knew that the holidays were important to me, he did both. I have to say, it feels pretty wonderful to be on the receiving end of random acts of kindness and love. I think he may have been on to something. Thank you Claude! xoxo
When we think of Valentine’s Day we usually think of a day to celebrate the love we share with our sweethearts. But what if our heart has been broken. What if our sweetheart has passed away? How can we approach this day in a way that can be infused with love and healing?
We can start by recreating or reframing what Valentine’s day can look like for us in this new reality. We could make this day about the celebration of our true essence which is LOVE. We could write a love letter to our beloved. Hell, write a love letter to yourself, you deserve it, you have been through a lot! Be generous, this is about loving and honoring all that you have done to stay afloat since your loved one has passed. Your strength, your stamina…you fill in the blank. Remember too that you were and are still deeply loved by your beloved. What did he or she love most about you? Can you allow yourself to take in how deserving you are of love? Maybe you could imagine what they might say to you right now if they could write you a love letter. I can say from firsthand experience that this can be pretty powerful if you are open to giving it a try.
You could also treat yourself to a bouquet of beautiful flowers, get a massage, take a relaxing bath, anything that may help sooth you or bring a smile to your face. Serve up some kindness, take yourself or a friend out to dinner or a nice lunch. Take a walk out in nature. Watch a favorite romantic movie. It’s OK to cry, in fact that would be a good thing, let those feelings flow. A Romantic comedy would bring some laughter and lightness into the mix which of course is always healing and welcome.
You may have your own ideas. These are just a few things that I have found helpful for myself. If you need to be with your grief all day give yourself permission to do just that. There is no right or wrong the choice is always yours to make depending on what feels appropriate for you.
As I write this tears are welling up in my eyes. I know this is painful and challenging for many of you as it is for me. Yet, I feel it is important to remember that love heals all wounds. Love is the way through all things, including grief. If we can find a way to love and honor ourselves a little bit more each day, our hearts will mend. Our world will mend. Love begins with us as we learn to love and honor who we are in this moment and what we are all going through as part of this human experience.
On Valentine’s Day, I invite you to celebrate the beauty of YOU. Think about what would make you feel special and PLEASE do that for yourself!
Love, Love, Love,
Cara Hope xoxoxox
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