Last week I was standing in my kitchen when my heart sank as I remembered that February 28, 2018 will be the ten-year anniversary of my moms’ passing. I also realized that both mom and Claude died in leap years, what are the chances! Tears instantly filled my eyes and I soon found myself sobbing. It seemed unthinkable that she had missed the past decade of my life. I thought about the milestone events that had taken place. Among others, the buying of our beautiful dream mountain home in Asheville, NC which she would have loved, my art shows, Claude’s suicide, our move to Boulder and seeing the new life we have created, Noah graduating from high school and starting college, starting this blog, working on my book, bearing witness to my deep transformation and personal growth in the past ten years.
It’s a lot when you stack it all up. Then it occurred to me that she has actually been with me all along. I have been so busy grieving the loss of Claude that she had fallen into the shadows. I tuned in and felt her close. She said she is with me always loving me just as she always has. I found comfort in this and have now vowed to start to include her more in my thoughts allowing her guidance and wisdom to come through from the other side.
She wrote me a note after Claude and I got married back in June of 1995. It is so special to me that I have kept it safely protected in a zip-lock bag. She was imparting her unconditional love and guidance as only she could. This is an excerpt: We are all different, some are clever, some are smart, some have an abundance of energy, some are cold and have no heart etc. You are a perfect and beautiful loving person, sensitive to others. Each morning, look for the beauty around you. Live each day to the fullest. The “powers” are around you, think positive, and give them a chance to work for you. Take each day at a time and experience the beauty of every moment and realize all your dreams.
So today I honor Thelma. My mom, who was in life and in death a powerful presence, always cheering me on. She taught me to never give up on myself and that we all have a core of inner strength and spiritual connection that guides us as we move through this life. Two of her favorite sayings were: “this too shall pass” and “it’s always darkest before the dawn.” These words have been a touchstone through my darkest hours ushering me into the light. In addition, witnessing the strength she harnessed in her life was an inspiration in my own that I will always treasure and be grateful for.
Are there any special memories or words of wisdom you received from your mom? If so I would love to hear from you in the comment section below.
With Love and gratitude,
Cara Hope